I noticed today when I was in my yoga class, a sense of spider in my body. Being in a group space is a challenging experience. There are layers of self consciousness that arise, negative self beliefs etc that are activated by being with others.
I think spider was strong in my body because I have been dancing her. I danced her when I went to No Lights No Lycra last night. She is my center, a place of clam and unfolding. She pushes my dance into the unknown, encouraging me to amplify small movements and find still edges and wild edges.
She showed up in yoga. I could feel her filling out into my arms and torso, gently announcing her presence. She offered me compassion as I struggled with the edges of my social experiencing. I felt her holding me, like a mother. I felt safer in the physical space being seen and felt by my experience of this non physical ally. My emotional experience wasn't perfect, I didn't nail being a human in the class. But, I felt nourished. The sense of being with this strong non physical presence assisted me to regulate the edges of my emotional experience.