Holding strong uncomfortable feelings

I was feeling tiered today. A sense of self hatred present in my mind and body. I could barley muster the motivation to do my morning yoga. But I did. I could barley muster the motivation to do a journey today, but I did. 

As soon as I closed my eyes, I felt a welcome clarity. Colours felt bright. It felt like an energised and alive space. I went to the part I worked with yesterday. It felt like veins and arteries hooked up between this wounded child part and 'me'. I looked/felt around for others, but I was alone. I felt into all the feeling spaces, all the blocks and crunchy memories of being less then. The reasons why these parts had become separated. The reasons I had become separated from myself. 

Then, I went from vibrant and clear, to lost. The strong feeling spaces shifted the other parts of the experience away out of focus. Deciding to not pathologise my unfolding experience, I stayed with what was unfolding. 

I sat holding my self in my uncomfortable feelings. They pulsated through me. I stayed with myself. It felt like a safe and attentive holding. The vibrancy of the first part of the sitting showed up here in the clarity of my holding. 

My sore felt experience pulsing as I breathed.