Old pain revisited me yesterday. There are a few possible reasons I can think of. Mostly I reckon, when we heal, the painful experiences of the past arise to be held and owned when previously we haven’t been able to hold them.
This can be upsetting, sometimes shocking when we have an expectation of what healing will feel like. I have been holding myself tightly while self judgement pulls me away from self love.
When I sat in an eyes closed space today I felt crow strongly. I was talking with colleagues yesterday on the value of hugging as a therapeutic tool to assist with healing safety and trust. In some circumstances. While I have first hand experience that this is a powerful tool when working with clients, I noticed my own aversion to being held in a therapeutic context. I triggered my utter lack of trust, and pain and anger at the neglect of my mother.
Today though, crow offered my their wings in a healing embrace. I accepted this strong gesture. I noticed my deep willingness to surrender to crow, accepting the comfort and safety offered by this experience.
It felt so good to allow myself this depth of love. Completely trusting crows unconditional holding.